Severus, reborn
by RedFaery
Summary: Severus Snape died in the final battle against Voldemort, but instead of reaping his rewards in heaven, he gets reincarnated as Hermoine Granger's child, with all his memories intact.
1. Default Chapter

Prologue

The battle was over, and evil was defeated, but unfortunately Severus Snape was not there to celebrate even though he was one  
of the key figures in defeating Voldemort. 

He should have been there celebrating what he worked so hard to achieve, but the ones celebrating were the ones who didn't do

anything. Potter was probably there, taking all the credit. The thought alone made Severus snort in anger. Instead he was in

heaven, at least what he thought was heaven, it couldn't be hell it was too damn bright and shiny, not to mention all the clouds

flying around and getting in his face. Batting away some them, he saw a glimpse of white robes. Startled he stood up quickly

accidentally inhaling some of the clouds; surprisingly he didn't cough or choke on the stuff. Batting away the remaining wisps, he

yelled into the foggy area.

"Who's there? Show yourself, or I'll hex you into oblivion!"

Suddenly the clouds disappeared leaving in its wake silvery mists revealing two somewhat human looking men smiling at him.

One of them walked up to him holding his arms out. "Ah Severus, we have been waiting for you"

Severus carefully sidestepped his arms and glared at him. "Who are you?" he demanded.

The man looked offended for a moment and then smiled and said "I am Arturo, and this is my brother Arcturus. We have come

to inform you of your future."

Severus snorted, "I'm dead and in heaven, what future is there for me but to reap my rewards as to say."

"Actually, you weren't supposed to die, Hermoine's child was, but you got in the way." Arcturus said smiling gently. Severus

looked bewildered, "What child, I saved that know-it-all Granger, besides I'm pretty sure she didn't have any children hidden up

her skirt or anything. And even if I did, how does that change anything?" The two not quite human brothers looked at each other

not sure how to explain it, "Er, well you see, her child wasn't supposed to live, so we're one soul short, and if we don't do

anything a wandering soul might posses the empty body and cause problems on Earth." Arturo said quickly, as if fearing Severus

might refuse to help, but he still looked confused and asked, "So? What's that got to do with me, I'm dead, I can't do anything

to help."

Arcturus looked relieved and answered, "Actually there is something you can do Severus, you can enter the body of Hermoine's

child." He looked at Severus hopefully.

"Mwahahahahahahahahahahahhaah" Severus in his defense did try to stop laughing, but he couldn't stop it,

"whooohoohoohahahah, be Granger's baby, hahahahhaha" at least for a while, but after he managed to stop he became quite

serious and gave them his answer, "NO. I want to go to heaven and reap my rewards, not go back to hell and be babied by

Granger, Merlin know's who's the father. Sorry, get somebody else."

The two brothers looked troubled for a while, and then flashed him with their perfectly white teeth, "Well" said Arturo, "I knew

you would never agree to this, but it's good to know that at the least we tried, we'll try to deal with the problem when it comes.

But first are there any questions you'd like to ask before you enter heaven?" Severus seemed to ponder, and asked, "What

happens once you're inside?"

Arcturus fielded this question and answered, "You lose your memories and so that your peace is not disturbed by missing the

ones you left behind or being troubled by your past." Severus did not look pleased with the answer and said in a demanding

voice, "What's the bloody point of reaping your rewards when you don't even remember what you did to get them!? When I

enter heaven, don't you dare take my memories or I'll rip you apart" The two brothers looked smug as they lead him towards a

suspicious looking door. "Of course Severus, we will not deny you _this_ request." Arturo said as they stopped in front of the

door. Severus, his mistrustful nature flaring up asked the two brothers suspiciously, "Does this really lead to heaven, shouldn't it

be a golden gate, not a wooden door?" Arcturus laughed, "Severus my dear, you shouldn't believe everything you hear, if it

makes you feel better you can look inside and check to make sure." Severus's suspicions did not leave even though he was

somewhat satiated by this offer. He opened the door and looked inside, but all he could see was babies, hundred's of babies

being born every spilt second. Severus started, "Wait a bloody minute, what is the meaning of this?!!" he turned around, but it

was too late they'd already pushed him and all he could see was their smirking faces looking down on him. Severus Snape,

having survived tortures from both Aurors and Death Eaters screamed for the first time in more than a decade.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" and nobody heard him.


	2. Birth

Birth

Wha-what is happening, something is pushing me down, and everything is so dark. The light, I must go towards the light.

"Push, push!"

Who said that, how can I push, I can't even move! Wait, I'm, I'm getting closer to the light! Closer, closer, just a couple more inches, yes!

"Congratulations Mrs. Potter, It's a girl!"

What! Where am I!? I can't see anything, it's too bright. Who's touching me- AHHHHH!

"What did you do that for?"

"I'm sorry Mrs. Potter, but it's a common practice to slap the infant's rear when it doesn't scream."

"You mean it's not normal for the baby to born without a sound?"

"Oh, don't worry, she's fine now, here take her."

"Aw, look at you, so cute, you look just like Harry"

Nooooooooooooooooooooo. Those bastards, how could they do this to me? If I turn out to be a Pothead clone I'll kill myself! What kind of husband is he anyway, wasn't even here during the birth. It doesn't matter anyway I'll tell Granger and this whole mess will be cleared up. "Grooo gha ahm snaaaaak" damn forgot I don't have any teeth, I'll try again. "Har thsss ma" that didn't even make any sense! Hey! Get away, stop kissing me, bloody hell, my arms aren't strong enough to hit her.

"Aww, look she's smiling, is she trying to play with me?" Get thee back you daft woman, I'm sneering, Severus Snape does not smile, ever! Get away, away! Argh, arms so tired, so sleepy, no, must keep fighting. Maybe if I rest my eyes for just a while.

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Hello, as you may have already guessed I am Severus Snape, at least I used to be before those bloody bastards ruined my afterlife. Anyway I was reincarnated as Granger's baby or rather Mrs. Potter's baby, but that doesn't really matter, what matters is that I'm being force fed breast milk. You cannot possibly imagine the horror, but you can try; right so here I am minding my own business, then suddenly the she-beast grabs me from my crib and shoves her ugly brown nipples down my throat. Is that fair?! I tell you, is that fair?! No grown man should have to endure what I have gone through in these past days. I cannot walk, I cannot talk, my days are filled with pooping, drinking (breast milk, yuck), and puking. Do you know how humiliating it is to be diapered; I can't even control my bladder! There is a good thing though; Potter still didn't show up, he'd probably be a bad father. Maybe when I grow up, I can write a stinging expose and humiliate him. Ah, there sucked it dry, hah beat you this time, shit she's switching breasts, damn it woman, do you _want_ me to puke?!!

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Well Potter did show up eventually, turns out he was in a coma of some sort, still that's no excuse for missing my birth. It's been about five months now, I still can't speak, but I practice when my "parents" aren't around bothering me, which is not a lot. Oh, and you'll never guess what they named me; Hero, yes that's right Hero, at first I thought they were taking the savior of the world thing a bit too far, but turns out it's a tradition in Granger's family to name their children after Shakespearean characters. Personally, I've never heard of such a name, but it is better than Sirius, Potter wanted make it my second name in honor of that idiot, thankfully Granger stepped in and took charge, and ironically gave me a second name; Severus. Now my full name stands as Hero Severus Granger Potter, long isn't it, I hate it, it's bad enough that I had that name once, but twice, don't they know that they're dooming me to be a laughing stock from the start? But it doesn't really matter I guess, between Hermoine and Potter's hair; I never really had a chance, I mean a choice between having hair that seemed to defy gravity or looking like a werewolf. Oh shit, I have diarrhea. Hah! Potter is running around panicked, it would be a lot funnier if the fumes weren't choking me too, "Cough, cough."

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Author's Notes: I would like to thank you guys for the reviews, I would love it, if you guys could help me improve my writing. Thank you.


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